I never imagined I could EVER have the courage to do this, and even now I still feel so incredibly nervous, more than I ever like to confess.
In this age of perfect selfies and putting on glamour looks for the world it’s completely unimaginable that someone could share themselves at their worst and less than perfect… yet here goes!
My friends and loved ones may have noticed that I no longer share pics of myself these days and this is because one of the many symptoms that I encounter has progressed dramatically in the past twelve months, some of these symptoms are that my eye now droops terribly and almost every day now. I can hardly see out of it and as well as this the left side of face is now constantly ‘heavy’ and weak. Additionally, my arms and legs are also unresponsive and ‘heavy’ such that I struggle to hold things and move around.
It makes my very sad and incredibly frustrated and I had become almost afraid of people seeing me like this now as it is not the image I want people to see or remember me by.
Perhaps it is vanity?
Perhaps it is lack of confidence in some way?
It is very likely both.
However I have also asked myself “how will people understand why I can’t visit with them, go somewhere or even talk on the phone if they don’t know what is happening and why I am doing what I am doing?”
I wanted those whom I love and care about to know the truth no matter how embarrassing or ashamed I may feel at first… it has been a difficult dilemma for me although I am not sure what others may think upon reading this. I don’t like the fact that this fear has kept me prisoner for so long and I am the type of person who has always pushed myself to face some of the things that scare me most.
In the end I persuaded myself to believe that “those who truly love me will accept this revelation and keep loving me and those that don’t love me will really not be missed in the grand scheme of things… did I really need them if they could judge me for something like this? The answer is obvious!
So here it is!
Unedited and completely raw… and very, very nervous.
I guess I also felt that if I wanted to encourage people to be open and accepting about their illnesses and all they go through than I must be prepared to walk the path and practice what I preach.
I truly hope it will prove the right thing to do.
Time will tell