We never forge a friendship thinking that it has an expiration date, but sadly many do.
I don’t think anyone ever thinks about endings or we couldn’t truly put in the time, effort and emotions needed to become a friend. However, sometimes they can run their course and fizzle out, and sometimes they end under sudden and sadder circumstances.
However I believe that they should always be mutually beneficial and satisfying or else they can not and will not survive.
Which ever way a friendship ends it isn’t a nice experience… so how do we survive a friendship ending?
Firstly, I don’t care what age you are, it’s never nice or pleasant ending a friendship, especially one which hasn’t been as rewarding as you had hoped.
Today as I sit here I realize that the only way I have been able to end a friendship is in a way that is true to my nature. Ie. As a caring person, I will be inclined to let go with the intension of making life better for both parties… I wish the other person well, and I will try to remember the good and happier events. I truly hope that they will find happiness in their future.
Often it isn’t even necessary to say goodbye to some friendships as it can just seem as though it trickles out of its own accord.
I favour the method that has the least amount of drama these days because I just don’t have the energy to spare.
I have become better at not doubting myself and questioning my worth as I once did when friendships ended. I now tend to see it is as another life event and if it was truly meant to be it would still be thriving.
I guess it’s more of a “it is what it is…” mentality… We can and will go on!
Oddly enough, as I grow older the friendships that were made as a younger person have seemed to endure longer and are still alive compared to those made more recently. I guess older friendships have had far more opportunities to weather storms and to develop.
I also find that I no longer equate my value by how many friends I have and how popular I am. I find now that a handful of true friends are far more rewarding than the constant attention and validation of a multitude of people.
Friendships are never meant to be a popularity contest but rather a true appreciation of who we truly are. Including our flaws and challenges too!
As I have learned to truly accept and appreciate myself I no longer need others to fill that gap. Their endorsements are no longer required but a mutual respect and connection is now the foundation of a stronger and longer lasting bond.
When I first became unwell It was easy to feel that my friendship was no longer worthwhile and valuable and I felt I would have to accept anything that was offered, but since my confidence has begun to slowly return, I have been able to better gauge my own worth, probably now more than ever before!
In the past I felt as though I was always giving and trying to please others, but when you find yourself struggling to manage every moment of your life you are far less inclined to cater to everybody’s demands and expectations.
I am reminded that it is truly possible to make friends as a chronically ill person, and we don’t have to settle simply because we have unpredictable and challenging bodies.
I believe that if I had to end my life with only one true friend, then I would be completely happy and appreciative of that one special person. Always.
2 thoughts on “The End in FriENDships”
Trish, I tend to not have lasting friendships. Partly I am naturally shy, (I know that seems unlikely), and second I am male. Most men where I live have acquaintances not friendships. I regret my lack of friends, but I do have a few quality friendships. One of them is of course Sheryl. We are better friends the longer we are married.
It is funny these days almost all of my friends are women. I find women are more forgiving of men such as myself.
Of course maybe I just like women a lot more, lets face it, women are superior in most ways to men.
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I really appreciate your perspectives my friend and I too find the opposite sex a lot easier to talk to and friendly, and I say this without any disrespect to my female friends.
I worked in a mostly male industry and perhaps that has something to do with it.
However as time, and illness, progresses I find myself less energy for demanding and difficult relationships in general.
My true friends know that when we do interact it is from the heart. Always.