Projecting.

The last 12 months have been some of the hardest times in my battle so far. I felt like I was slowly losing so much ground and that progression was taking me down emotionally and physically.

It was becoming harder to watch the world go by and wonder where my downward spiral would lead me.

I had become more and more house bound and very rarely got out anymore. My home has been my refuge and my confinement.

I felt particularly saddened by the fact that other people’s lives where always changing and progressing yet mine seem to be the same four walls and the same routine over and over.

It was all becoming too much. I needed something to change. To change for the better. Any change might be helpful to where I was… but what?

The drugs hadn’t stopped things, the diet changes were not the cure, meditation and positive thinking was not giving me back the functionality I was hoping for. Doctors were not offering me reassuring words and things were becoming more and more complicated with each new specialist appointment. What could I do to change something for the better.

Answers were not jumping out at me.

My charity was operational and I had done all I could with it. My blog had been going for years and I even started questioning whether it was helping anyone or achieving what I set out to do…

Since I couldn’t seem to be able to control anything in my life and predict where anything was going I decided to look around me and I wondered what I might still be able to do.

As I sat in my bedroom one day I realized that I had seen the same walls, the same colours, the same floor and same lamp for nearly 10 years now… Perhaps I could change my environment?!

My imagination started to take flight and even though I was still in terrible pain and battling so many different things on a daily basis, I started to find some new joy again.

I went to work researching what I would like to do and what I could do, this soon turned into a complete redecorating project!

I became determined that my house would be transformed even if I couldn’t be transformed. It would be refreshed, renewed, revived and reloved!

The work began several weeks ago now and it has been giving me the ability to look forward to something. To be inspired and to feel different.

As I sit awake at night, body suffering and tortured, my mind is painting walls, hanging my art, and laying soft furnishings here and there. It is such a breath of fresh air in the midst of this battle.

The changes I need so desperately will become changes to my home, my nest, my sanctuary and my refuge. An improvement in the outside world, despite the fact that my physical body can’t seem to achieve it.

As I look through paint samples and seating options I feel an emotional lift that I have long needed. After years since retiring as a Project Manager I have a project again!

The scented candle burning beside me now is making me feel excited and although I have been too sick and in pain to see some of the changes taking place outside my bedroom, I feel excited about what it will all become.

Feeling excited is something I didn’t think I might feel again and I intend to savor every moment of it.

Gentle hugs,

Trish

6 thoughts on “Projecting.

  1. Trish, you continue to inspire me. I feel like Iโ€™ve spent the last 2 yrs on a very similar, torturous journey myself, which makes me all the more grateful to have crossed paths with you at such a seemingly perfect time.
    Iโ€™m so thrilled that you are finally able to find a way to not only inspire and excite you again but fill you with a sense of purpose and productive distraction.
    I canโ€™t wait to see and hear more of your renovation plans as I will secretly live that experience vicariously through you. Its funny, itโ€™s my secret( or not so secret) dream, to be oneday able to do the same type of project for myself.
    Even your style aesthetic is very similar to mine ๐Ÿ˜‰…
    I canโ€™t wait to chat with you sometime at greater length about those other issues we discussed privately, regarding the writing etc, but just wanted to send you a huge thankyou hug for your support the other night and once again let you know how thrilled I am that youโ€™re special project is finally getting underway. Canโ€™t wait for updates ๐Ÿ™
    Talk soon
    Alex ๐Ÿ˜˜ xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Last week I saw that look in Sheryl’s eyes. It comes every spring, I call it the we ought to look. The we ought to look never ends well and yet here I was again. We ought to. First project new lamp shades about the bathroom vanities. Project number 2 all new pull handles on the cabinets. I have to find the installer. Project number 3 my glasses. Wait my glasses? LOL yeah we ought to is not just about the house. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Spring I need you, hurry up. late springs usually end up with more ought to’s is never a good thing. Can you say Shamrock Green walls in the bathroom? ie..we ought to goign horribly wrong.

    Liked by 1 person

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