Love Hurts

This piece is a collection of the thoughts and experiences shared by many, many fellow sufferers and it deserves attention and respect.

This piece is more for the able bodied out there but I hope it also resonates with fellow Autoimmunes.

It isn’t easy being a single person these days, finding a partner can be extremely difficult. Finding a partner when you are sick or disabled can feel down right impossible!

I see and hear from so many of my fellow sufferers that are completely devastated when it comes to finding love, especially when you have a disease sharing your body and calling the shots. Many are resigned to the fact that they are doomed to be alone forever.

Why? Because who would want someone who has a health condition????

Sadly, it seems that the answer is not many. It is so heartbreaking that I am lost for words.

It seems that more than ever people have a grocery list of requirements when it comes to finding a partner. Successful, tick. Good looking, tick. Money, tick. Career, tick… and on it goes.

For those that might be able to hide their illness it might mean you have a better shot of catching someone’s interest, but for those that can’t hide it’s effects on your life and body… disaster!

I am married. I knew my partner before illness overtook my life, but, I was the main bread winner and so some things where in my favour perhaps. Back then I was able to tick some of those boxes… but now? It’s a completely different story!

What would I be worth on today’s market? I don’t imagine it would be that much. Sadly.

But why?

The answer is that honestly I would be seen as too much work for someone and not enough goods on offer. Probably more like I am damaged goods!

I am constantly told how lucky I am to have my husband as though I am undeserving and as if he must have taken pity on me. I fight back the impulse to swear. I actually feel like he is lucky too! … Thanks for asking! Lucky because I love him and I am honest and respectful to him. That’s what real relationships are about. Nobody said he was lucky when I was more able bodied and the main money maker, and nor should they because it was a matter of love and respect… like all relationships should be.

All such remarks do is make the sick person feel unworthy and guilty of something. I know on an intellectual level this is utter nonsense… but in reality it’s a different story.

I remember a time when I was a lot healthier and able bodied but I still experienced difficulty finding a lasting relationship and a good team match, even then! … Imagine now?!

This world looks down upon the ill and disabled. It won’t consider the prospect of dating someone who may require extra support or assistance. It is just not something any person even wants to consider these days.

Unless… maybe… you had married someone prior to becoming ill, and they happen to still love you: enough to tough it out at least.

You see the thing is this… the truth is most people who have an illness have a huge capacity to love. They have learned to value life and people to completely deeper levels than most of superficial everyday people. And. Aren’t relationships supposed to be based on love??!!

They are some of the most talented, most inspiring, most sincere, most gifted, most supportive, most thoughtful and interesting people that you can hope to find and have had difficult illnesses handed to them… they didn’t choose them!

Most people who have illnesses have a deeper sense of appreciation, kindness and empathy. Aren’t these prized qualities? Even today??

The way I feel about this topic is that it isn’t a persons physical disability that is the problem, but rather it is everyone else’s shallowness, superficiality and prejudice that prevents many people from finding loving and lasting relationships.

And that can be changed. It’s simply a choice.

Shouldn’t we take the time to really know someone or look deeper into their personalities and inner qualities before deciding who we are suited to? Rather than looking only at the physical or exterior? I hope that a mature person will realize this for themselves. An emotionally mature person should.

After all, we ALL age. We all grow more frail. We all become less able in time. And… what if it were YOU who were sick. How would you want to be considered?

Trish.

2 thoughts on “Love Hurts

  1. I made the most money in our household, but Sheryl made it meaningful. Had the role been reversed, it never could have worked. A meaningful home was not so much for me. I was and am way too competitive to take a back seat to much of anything.

    Which brings me to my present situation. Oh yeah, I am still way to competitive, and in my natural habitat, I would survive about 5 minutes by myself. Of course, I am an American male and we are bred to win or die tying. It is our responsibility, or so my subconscious says. Others sometimes disagree.

    Liked by 1 person

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