But that was many years ago and much has changed since then.
Today I have a very different relationship with isolation and being alone. A very comfortable and intimate one. I would never have thought it possible.
Today I feel most at peace when I am alone and I can work through whatever I have to deal with at my own pace and in my own time. I don’t have anyone to help or hinder.
I enjoy the online community that is available and I can dip in and out when I am physically able. The key words being physically able.
These days I don’t have as many physical abilities as I once had, so being alone means I don’t have to constantly perform for others. I can be relieved of a lot of the difficulties that having to constantly cater to, and taking care of many people brings.
Isolation has become the new sanctuary for me and this life.
I never really thought such a relationship with isolation would be possible when I was a young person. I was trying to experience as much as I could as quickly as I could. But that’s a life time ago. Much has changed. It’s funny what we are looking backwards!
I think that having to face a lot of challenges and some very difficult places and emotions changes you. Completely. It certainly has for me.
Things that would have bothered me once no longer bother me at all or bother me far less. Friends come and go like waves on the beach, opportunities change and perspectives alter.
Isolation gives me the time I need to make sense and peace of it all. It is my nurse and my closest friend.
Perhaps some of you out there have grown to appreciate being alone in new ways since becoming chronically ill? Perhaps some of you haven’t. We are all different and respond differently.
It’s strange that years ago when I felt more independent physically, I was far more reliant on others emotionally … and now the opposite is true!
I guess that is just life and even now it can still surprise me.