For The Record…

What surprises me the most these days is the fact that very few people will take the opportunity to ask me, or someone in a similar position as me, what we might  have learned from our struggles…

It’s almost like it’s not allowed to acknowledge that those who have illness might have gained some insights that others may never have. We may have an illness or disease but we are not morally weak, stupid and irrelevant merely because we had the misfortune of getting sick. 

Yet people have asked me the most probing, intimate  questions about my diet, my meds, my exercise regime, my toilet habits and so on… it seems ridiculous to me at times. 

At some point some people seem to think I became my physical disability and illness rather than still being an intellectual and evolving being. I wonder how many others like me feel the same? 

IF I had been asked, and for the record, I would have shared some the following observations of life…

1. No. I don’t like my personal space and choices questioned. They are still mine. 

2. If I were well again I wouldn’t judge or see a lot of things as I have done. Life is life. Everyone is different. 

3. I see more now than I ever saw before. My vision has changed. I notice a lot more. I am saddened by a lot of what I see and I probably didn’t notice these things while I was so busy working. 

4. I hate almost all politicians. None of them seem to care about the people and the things that they should care about. Politicians will slowly and systemically tear down society so that we hate and doubt each other. Or maybe even worse. 

5. I don’t watch or listen to the news. It serves very little role in my life and I don’t need to be told what to think, like, fear, hate or care about; or what to buy. 

6. Family is a commonly used word but I think it should also be a feeling. Very few people feel that they have a family especially when it most useful. Family can also mean many different people and things. 

7. Stepping outside the main stream is hard. If you ever sit outside of what everyone else is doing and thinking you can feel very, very alone and yet it can also be very fulfilling. 

8. It’s not what people say that can hurt the most. It’s what they don’t say. 

9. No one wants to be wrong or make a mistake. It surprises me how hard it is for people to admit a mistake because we all make them. It’s how we learn. 

10. It’s not what you do but how much of you that you put into what you do. Being present matters. 

11.  If you are doing a job or role that you don’t enjoy or appreciate. Leave. Time is too limited. 

12. The only things you remember when things are hard are the things you love. Spend more time loving. It makes hard times barable. 

13.  Don’t people please. It’s a hard habit that only hurts you you and robs you of life.  It’s the hardest habit to break. 

14. As hard as it is, put up good healthy boundaries. It takes some of us a lifetime to learn how. It is still something I am learning. PS people won’t like me it when it conflicts with what they want. But that is their story. 

15. Life hurts and it’s unfair. People hurt and are unfair. 

16. If I had my time again I wouldn’t let people use my weaknesses or personality against me or make me feel inferior for it. A soft heart is often an easy target. 

17. Don’t believe what people say about you. Get to know yourself and then no one will be able to confuse you. 

19. Love is rare. True love is extremely precious. It’s irreplaceable. It’s not a game. It’s not a race. Cherish it. 

20. Take the time to go take the emotional journey through your life, your mistakes, your relationships and pick through it all for the lessons. It’s worth it. 

21. Follow your heart. In the end you will die one day so you may as well live this life your way. 

22. Stop complaining about your car, your boss, your wrinkles, your ass, your hair, your home, your clothes. They are completely irrelevant to the bigger picture. 

23.  Illness does change you but it doesn’t automatically mean we are dumber, useless, unworthy, morbid, boring, morose, unsympathetic, liars, malingerers, attention seekers and unimportant. Sadly, we often have to remind the ignorant of this fact. 

24. It really is the little things that matter. 

25. Stop making life about achievement and wealth. Just stop it!

Gentle hugs, 


6 thoughts on “For The Record…

  1. I would remember that losing love is the worst loss of all. It has happened twice in my life. I caused both, once with my wife ( i was fortunate) and many times losing the love of me being. I am glad I have been fortunate to have both loses return.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I used to think that about myself. But the god nes is that i have grown older it has made much less difference. In fact at 60 I may not be soft hearted enough. So I know it is who we are, and sometimes it hurts, But the good news is that over time, it makes litle difference. I think the good news is that I can tell you is the this gets much better overtime

      Liked by 2 people

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