I am at a point in my journey where the past years have seen me do many tests, take lots of drugs, visited many specialists and receive more diagnosed diseases…
I find myself asking “how much is enough?”
Rather than continue down this road of unearthing more issues and starting new drugs for diseases that have no cure, I now wonder whether I may be better off simply spending the time coping and finding a little place in the country to simply live out my days as best I can.
This is incredibly inviting to me at this time since there doesn’t seem to be any way of avoiding or curing the pain and disability that I now live with, so maybe the time I have left can be better spent and more enjoyable living the simple life. The life of a country recluse.
I have been looking at tiny country cottages and imagining a life even more removed than I already am.
What could possibly be wrong with such a plan?
Even the stress of suburban life, city traffic, constant specialist appointments and urban sprawl is too much for me now. I yearn for even more simplicity.
I feel now that I really don’t need much in terms of luxurious accommodations, a simple ‘disability friendly’ home is all that is needed. A garden to sit in. Room for my furry children to roam, living within driving distance to stores and supplies, and within safe distance of a hospital in the event of a medical emergency.
It is tugging hard on my heart strings!
I guess I really won’t know if it will work unless I try and perhaps there is a way of ‘dipping my toes’ into such a life first?
While the questions have been swirling around my mind and heart I keep asking myself “… should I continue to treat or plan my retreat?”
At least I can say without hesitation that after 10 long and exhausting years I have certainly done an enormous amount of treating and now I should consider giving myself a chance at the alternative.
… to be continued