There are many times in life when we have to deal with something we didn’t foresee and plans have had to be changed.
However this is especially true for those who have no control over their bodies and their health and they are completely unpredictable.
When my health first started encroaching on my life it was very difficult to see the silver lining and to pick myself up after each set back. Health setbacks are very personal and therefore more difficult to overcome.
I felt the loss of health AND the loss of opportunities very hard to cope with initially. Like doors were closing all around me.
It was my birthday recently and although I pushed myself to go out briefly, get dressed up and to take a few well timed selfies, It quickly started to unravel.
Although I had pushed myself to smile and eat a little of the meal I prepared, the truth is I collapsed and had to spend the rest of the day in bed.
I only showed the pictures that I thought my friends and family would deem good enough and festive enough. I wanted people to know that I am still trying to do my best; always trying. I especially want my loved ones to see this too.
I discussed all this later with some trusted people who I know understand about having to cancel, postpone, rearrange and embrace the harsh realities of what this life is like, and they reminded me of the two words I had forgotten momentarily. I forgot the DO OVER.
As someone with unpredictable and uncontrolled health you have to find the ability in yourself to 1. Plan carefully and thoroughly for each event 2. Push and do your best. And 3. Be prepared to let go and do over when it doesn’t go as planned.
The pillars of my emotional survival and resilience in these illnesses means having to do a lot of do overs. And do them the best that you can.
So we have decided that we will do over and try again when I am feeling a little better … for as many times as it takes.
We will do that for birthdays, anniversaries or anything that is required and we are both prepared to do whatever we can to make sure we still celebrate whatever we can, whenever we can.
Whilst we may not have a lot of control over life and illnesses, we do have the ability to have do overs for some life events and I can adjust my attitudes to accommodate them.
I have made some real progress in taming my expectations and need to have perfect days and events. I am lucky to have a very grounded partner and some great friends, who understands the ups and downs of this life.
Sometimes life can feel like a long series of do overs and daily adjustments. In the end it’s been a learning process but it’s made easier when you have some amazing people that help you do over and believe in you all the way.