I have found some resilience from the hardships and lessons of last year, but I also feel that this year requires that I become quieter still. I can feel it calling inside me.
A new game plan has been forming.
I am extremely tired these days and I have already had several challenging flare up over the past several months; A warning that this year may be another testing year.
Sometimes I don’t know where I get the emotional strength that is needed but I can’t afford to think too closely about it at this time. Day by day is the only way I can manage at the moment. One play at a time. I am sure that many of you know this feeling only too well.
I have decided that I may need to seek some counseling this year as I have been feeling the strain of juggling so many different diseases and it has taken a toll on me. I don’t think there is any shame in admitting it.
I have always marvelled at the way that my specialists and medical advisors seem to think that it is a simple task to manage all these health challenges; As though it shouldn’t matter how many different issues you have. But it does.
Each one does take a toll and when they combine it can feel nearly impossible.
Despite what [they] may think or how they act, the truth is that it is not easy, and I am feeling like it is constantly trying to break me. Perhaps I need some more players in the game.
Although I work hard at trying to stay ahead of the emotional strain and the physical onslaught, there is only so much I can do and for so long.
Will counseling help? I don’t know. But I am always trying to find answers and different options. Always.
I also feel that I must try and share some of these tiring feelings with someone else other than my husband. I am always mindful not to overtax his patience and empathy.
It’s been 10 years now and so he has seen quite a lot of tears, pain and frustration. But he has his own limits too and I am mindful of them also. He may need some bench time of his own.
I believe I need to try.
I may even return to some past alternative therapies again to see if they have changed in their effectiveness or help.
I sometimes think that it may be useful to routinely retrace some steps to see if anything might have changed…
I have felt for some time now that all the different online support groups can feel quite daunting at times. As the number of diseases have increasesd, so too have the number of groups increased, each with their own sets of issues and challenges.
Each group has been helpful in connecting with people who are knowledgeable on how each disease can feel and affect us. But none of them understand how hard having them all feels and affects me.
I have felt quite a little lost in it all… So it has led me to withdraw quite a lot more these days.
Perhaps this is a common experience for those with multiple health issues?
We have all encountered times where friends are going through challenges when things like a job loss, a toothache and a car breakdown may converge and tests their coping limits. I have often wondered if they could imagine how having this scenario happening everyday over and over for years might feel? I wonder if that image would be helpful for explaining to others what chronic life can be like?
Regardless of what lays ahead I must always be preparing to meet each challenge in the best way I can. At this time I think that this current game plan is best done in quiet and solitude of my home and taking a hiatus from the world. So that will be my plan for now.
1. Manage the moments. 2. Try some new strategies. 3. Simplify life even further. And 4. Always hope for the best; Always.