Dealing with disappointment – 


Life offers us many experiences and chances to learn from the events that happen to us. This is widely accepted. 

We are told to embrace change, seek happiness, let go of disappointment, forgive those who wrong us etc but nobody likes talking or discussing their disappointments. 

But aren’t we allowed to have them? 

Is it unhealthy to admit to feelings of disappointment when something doesn’t go the way we wanted it to? … Is feeling disappointed selfish? 
I have revisited this topic several times during my life and although I am getting older and more resilient at handling disappointment and setbacks, there is always an emotional reaction when something happens that we didn’t want to happen and when life hands us difficult challenges to deal with. 

Although I knew my mother had died, I still felt I missed her at my wedding. I was disappointed. It seems natural enough to imagine your closest parent to be there at such an event. But she wasn’t and that is the way life went. 

Those who may have lived through a painful divorce or life change, although there are moments when we realize that the end of the relationship is coming, but there is also deep disappointment. It this seems perfectly natural.  

I have had some elderly friends admit, at the end of their lives, that they had wished life has been different but that they have had to make a peace with many of the disappointments that had haunted their life. 

Perhaps disappointments are perfectly natural results from living and everyone amasses regrets and disappointments, but how it makes us feel can change. 

Some of the regrets and disappointments that I have, and occasionally look back on, don’t have the painful impact they may once have had, but are now like thinking about old friends that I have lost touch with. 

Some people have vanished in the churn and changes of life even though I might have known them so well, but I have now made a peace that they are gone and I have accepted the loss. 

Disappointments are the normal result of when something you have planned for, worked for, struggled and strived for has not met our expectations… Despite all the energy and effort that we may have invested, it just didn’t happen as I had hoped. 

Today I put my energy and efforts into not denying that I have feelings and emotions, as I might have done as a young person, but rather I try to let them not control me or make me their hostage.

I treat them all as a smorgasbord of emotions that life offers us, but like a balanced diet, we can’t afford to consume too much of ANY one emotion. 

Being skilled at handling all of these different emotions is my goal now.

Learning how to let them help me make the most of this life by showing me all that life offers (good and bad) has been a sign of growth as a person and my strength as a survivor. 

Maybe not knowing how life is going to go is what helps makes it interesting. 

Gentle hugs, 

Trish. 

4 thoughts on “Dealing with disappointment – 

  1. I used to say expect nothing and never be disappointed. That is unwise and unhealthy. Instead, I expect much and accept what might come. For me, it is not the expectation, rather the acceptance that makes all the difference.

    By the way, Sheryl says she expects nothing of me and is never disappointed.

    Hey, I just realized what she is saying.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you my friend. You have given me food for thought… the other point was also allowing myself to feel the full range of emotions without feeling guilty or wrong… it’s not my choice to only experience a limited range of emotions.

      Expectation and acceptance. Good point.

      Like

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