You see, although I recognize the importance and benefits is living in the ‘now’ there are many triggers that will make me leave this position and head in other directions.
For example. An old friendship. Whilst reminiscing with an old friend I can quite easily be lured into remembering what I could do years ago. That can be painful.
When today is filled with pain and inability, I will tend to hark back to a gentler time and that can set off resentment and frustration.
When I discuss what I would like to do in the future, I can quickly become anxious and concerned whether I shall ever be able to do something. For me this is akin to torture.
Remaining present in the now and being grateful for how things are today is not always easy for people with good health and a favorable breeze at their backs. However it can be down right mystifying to someone with chronic health and more nonfunctioning bodily parts than functioning ones.
It is for me anyway.
My efforts this year is to become better at accepting now and being more present and invested in the now. I know that it is important for me as all other directions can only lead me to a place that may harm my health or hurt me.
As a project manager it was my job to use ‘big picture’ thinking and reasoning. I had to be able to look in all directions and to anticipate how to solve any problems that may come up… if only this could be more helpful in my current circumstances!!
It’s ironic that what made me enjoy my former career and good at what I did, could be a challenge to the life I have now.
So I am trying to live in the now and to be grateful for what I have today.
Today my blood work results are not good. The WBC count, ESR and CRP levels are very high again. I have had terrible pain/migraine/balance/vomitting/weakness all week. It’s not easy to be grateful for this or enjoy the moment.
So you see I have some challenges ahead!
But if wanting something means you are half way there… Perhaps I am closer than I think!