One of the most enduring symbols of rebirth for me is that of the Phoenix. As a younger person I read if it’s mythical powers to rise from the ashes and be born again. In order to be born again it must first cast its old body into the flames and then reemerge as graceful and as strong as before.
An amazing metaphor for living through the trials and tribulations that life brings to us don’t you think? But is this always achievable? Can chronically ill / Autoimmunes reinvent ourselves or do we have to live in the ashes. When our bodies continue to decline and every day is a test of our endurance, can we really call this an evolving life?
Comparing my life now, on a purely physical basis, to the life I had it can feel a lot like I am living with the ashes. But if I compare to my life now to my previous life am I letting this other life truly evolve?
I do have a lot more physical limitations and hardships in this life, which makes me have to focus a lot of effort and work a lot harder to take care of this body. This evolution is a lot more maintenance!
And… I do see many changes in my social life and circumstances compared to my previous life. This has also meant that I have to choose more wisely about who I spend my time on and my time with.
However, there have also been a whole new world of people and personal growth that has been opened up to me through this trial by fire. People I would have never met before. Things I would have taken for granted before. Wisdom I may have never gained on my previous life course.
So am I going to ever be able to look at this life as a rebirth, renewal, an evolution or will I spend my life amongst the ashes of the old life?
… But I truly want to be the Pheonix!
I truly want to reinvent myself and be all that I can be in this new form. I want to find new opportunities and depth that I may have never had available to me in my old stressful, workaholic, success driven, angst ridden, control freak, anxiety riddled, competitive and Unconfident life.
I want to evolve.
And maybe that is the way that I need to be in order to get there. I once told someone “… You can have anything you want, as long as you want it bad enough…” If I take my own advice from then and apply it to my current circumstances today then perhaps I will rise again. And again. And again. Because I truly want it bad enough.
I also hope for all of us out there, living with life long health challenges, and I hope that there is a little Pheonix in us all. Always waiting to rise again from the fire and the pain and always being able to start again with new hope and new purpose.