I remember reading a truly informative piece written by a young lady who battles chronic depression. 

It was a truly heart wrenching piece and the empathy was pouring out of me as I read about her emotional battles and journey’s.

She spoke about not being able to leave the bed and shower or eat. I was struck with the reality that although she had no physical impediment to her abilities, her depression was debilitating to her and although I could not say “I know what she is going through” my heart went out to her. I still think about her today. 

There are many people who suffer depression and I have nothing but empathy and best wishes for them all. Truly. 

Everyone suffers some form of depression at some point (if not many points) in their lives. It is the price we pay for living and loving, but there are many who have to battle so much harder. 

For example, the sadness of losing a loved one can feel like all the light has gone from the world and it can be hard to breathe and yet numbing at the same time.I felt frozen in time and unable to focus. 

The sadness of losing our former lives is a truly difficult challenge also. Sometimes there are just no words to describe it. 

I know a lot of fellow Autoimmunes battle depression in various forms and there are many different forms of depression and treatments. It is not a one size fits all scenario. 

Some people suffer chronic and cyclic depression and some battle ‘reactional depression’ to a situation or a specific event. I find that boughts of pain and prolonged flares can make me react in very emotional ways. I can cry and feel close to giving up, but during the entire time I have battled AIs I have not stopped showering, dressing, talking and trying to do some small thing. Everyday. This is something that many may identify with. We just want to feel like there is a way to go on. 

People often confuse mental and physical illnesses. They can be oblivious to how a chronic illness can affect us on so many levels that it can sometimes look like one big issue. One very difficult big issue. 

It’s easy for people looking on the outside to feel like a 5 minute expert and say simplistic statements or offer advice like “oh you’re just depressed,” or “you need to eat more vegetables,” or “do you exercise enough or take too many drugs?” … And on and on… 

The list is endless but it is a real achievement when we they can be taken with grace as much as possible. 

I admit that I started to do the ‘coffee selfies’ as a way of showing everyone that no matter what my body is going through, I am giving it my all to show I am not giving in, or that depression has not taken over and fueling my situation. At the same time I also admit there isn’t a day I don’t cry from the pain or feel frustrated by my neuro symptoms. Everyday. I just let myself breathe and keep going. 

It’s all I know how to do. 

If I can sit outside I will sit outside. If I can help fold clothes I will help fold clothes. If I can sit in the car while hubby does errands then that is what I will do. If hubby can read to me then I will cherish every word. My purpose is still to be a wife and fur Mumma and the best ME I can be. 

That never changed. I try to never forget. 

My coffee selfies are probably becoming long past their shelf life and sometimes I ache just holding the phone up… But when I look at them I see someone trying. So I will keep doing them until I can’t…

My blog is also my way of reaching out to others and I remember a famous quote 

We read to know we’re not alone.

– William Nicholson, Shadowlands

And so I read. I write. And I like knowing I am not alone. 

Depression can often make people feel alone, trapped inside an invisible prison, but my blog and the chronic groups we built shows that we are not alone. It keeps opening doors that might have been closed by illness. I love them and so do many others. Even during the hardest times. 

Whilst I don’t have a lot of control over a lot of my disease activity and symptoms, I do try very hard to control the way I manage my emotions and feelings about my life. I try to manage how I share these experiences with other Autoimmunes. 

Everyday, as I wait for my Meds to work, I plan what I would like to wear, I put a little make up on (sometimes hubby helps) and I look forward to going to get a coffee with my hubby and in this way I show the world, him and myself, that I still care and I still keep trying. 

Today I met an elderly lady and she drove up to our car in her buggy, she pet my furkids and we smiled together. We shared a moment while hubby got the coffee. We said goodbye and we held hands momentarily. It was nice. Maybe I will see her again or maybe I will meet someone else. I wouldn’t have met her if I didn’t go through the pain and struggle of getting up and putting on some make up … so I will never underestimate the power of a little lip gloss in the fight with AIs 😃

Gentle hugs, 

Trish.