Sometimes you have moments where you realize that you aren’t where you thought you were and you can see that you still have a long way to go. That is exactly what happened to me.
In my defense I DO feel like I have come a long way and have a far in the choices I make and a shorter recovery time when I react to a comment or situation. I am very proud of this in fact. But I still have a way to go. I know it. I feel it. And I am determined to get there!
I believe that when you have a life changing experience you can become a raw and open nerve. Especially if you are regularly in physical pain. Things can get in very deeply; no matter how hard we try to stop them.
If you happen to be chronically ill, it means that your ability to adapt and overcome is compromised too. I think that at this point in my illness some of the few things I have some influence and control over now is my thinking and emotions, so I put a lot of time and effort into doing just that. I work hard to think and respond in very productive and helpful ways.
I have also become very fussy about who I keep in my life now too. If they are someone I have to always be coping with or someone who tests my emotional resilience I really question why they are in my life at all. After all, I DO have control over who I let into my life and heart.
Just as I need to put care and thought into planning my diet, Meds and outings , I feel I have to also put the same effort into planning, changing and eliminating toxic people.
Many chronically ill people experience such a dramatic reduction in friendships over the course of their illnesses and lament how many people they have lost along the way, but if there are people who repeatedly test us, take from us and put us in emotionally stressful situations then will they be missed in the bigger picture? I think not. We don’t want to lose people from our lives but not everyone we lose is a loss. Like shedding unwanted kilos, some people are an emotional weight that are unnecessarily weighing us down.
I have become better at stepping back and asking myself is this relationship worth the situations it puts me in? Am I giving someone too much power over my feelings and value? Do I need this in my life?
In a life where illness and Meds can take such a toll on my life I don’t want to let people’s words or actions make it any worse or harder and I am at an age where I realize I don’t have to.
I am starting to realize that it doesn’t matter how many people are with me at the finish line but how much I enjoyed the journey.