The Invisible Darkness
Days of pain
Like dark knives moving inside me.
I lay here tired and heavy from fighting. Frightened. Old. Beaten.
Why? Why? Keeps oozing out of me. Out of every pore of my skin.
It’s these times that I feel old, cold, sad, alone and nothing all at once.
Empty and sad like the ruins of an old castle.
It’s in this pain that my body has become my greatest enemy…and I hate it.
It has betrayed me to the darkest evil and left me like a thief in the dark.
Left me writhing and weeping.
No one deserves this.
Some evil being might deserve all this pain but not me.
Not the many like me who have worked hard and dreamed and hoped for better than this.
We HAVE earned better than this; surely!!!
This manmade hell is not for us.
It must surely be a terrible, cruel mistake.
Please someone check!
I look out at the faces of men, women and children.
The strangers I have never met.
I imagine what could we have all done that has changed our lives so?
Like a black cord we are connected by pain and suffering.
A black cord of endless cruelty and limbo that stretches around the word and binds our bodies together with thorny ropes.
The world turns away from us.
Closes its eyes and goes on…
We were never here.
We must all just be pretending or lying.
I think of the things that have kept me going during this endless nightmare…
There is a voice that sits in the back of my head now saying “they need you, keep going”…
But there is another voice that begs for release and rest.
It’s crying and begging now, like a hungry infant.
It doesn’t know how to let go but it can’t take it more.
Hush little one. Hush.