Today I realized a number of home truths, one of them being, that the reason that people’s opinions and thoughts about me have started to concern me less and less is because their is nothing that anyone has ever said or done to me that I haven’t said or done far worse.
In that way people don’t frighten me as to their thoughts about how I look, how I act, what I do and how I live.
I have been my own worst enemy my whole life in that I was taught how to judge myself harshly and never really taught how to be kind to myself or recognise my strengths.
I think parents believe they are doing their children an service by pushing them, critiquing them and constantly judging them. I like to think they do it out of love anyway. But sadly all we do is raise a generation of emotionally crippled and hopelessly self loathing people who see no beauty or value in failure ir an ‘ordinary’ life (whatever that is).
We are all unwittingly trying to fulfill our parents dreams and hopes for success and opportunity. Things perhaps they were denied. Sadly, most of the parents in our society saw success in money and fame.
Now I am quick to point out that the backlash of spoiling and entitlement that has sprung up like weeds, and threatening to choke our communities, is completely ludicrous response to the sins of our fathers. So. I hope there is a mid point. I hope.
Back to what I do know…
I know that as I read the words of so many chronic sufferers or fighters (whichever term you prefer) who feel so hurt and fearful by the words and actions of their families, doctors, partners and friends, I often wondered is it simply that someone has said the words out loud that we keep hidden inside us every day?
I know that the one thing that all this challenge and … Well… Everything that has happened in the time I have been ill has only fueled my pride in myself and what I have contented with.
The words of a friend or relative can not ever penetrate the reality of my true courage and bravery in all that has happened.
In fact. I feel sorry for their lack of knowledge and ignorance in certain areas.
But that’s life. I am sure I say ignorant things too. Even about myself.
As a footnote to this I can also say that no one knows the wonderful and unbelievably good things I have thought either.
I wish we could all be kinder in our thoughts, especially in the darker hours and the painful times.
Maybe we all need to learn how to temper our critics. Especially the ones that live in our heads and not in our social circles.