I recently watched an interesting movie called THE BIG SHORT. After watching it my mind was just racing with thoughts and my heart was filled with emotions about financial markets, banking, fraud, crashes and chaos. It was really very thought provoking for me.

The injustices and the greed was breathtaking…

A week later we learned of some very famous celebrities passing away at such relatively young ages…

Then yesterday I learned of the sad loss of one of my favourite musicians, Mr. Glenn Frey of the Eagles. This time to an Autoimmune related cause. It has sent real shock waves through the Autoimmune Community and prompted a few “…is that the disease you have?…” To be answered with a “yes, yes it is…”

At least awareness is growing, but in the most sobering of ways.

You see we never know what lays ahead. Ever. And so we learn to play the odds.

We gamble our hopes and dreams that life will go the way the ‘median’ life goes, according to trends, lifestyle and geography etc. But none of us ever really know. Ever.

I remember the conversations I had with my doctor as we began diagnosis and testing. I cried to her about my pain and confusion about  where my life is going as we looked at increasing my Meds. She looked straight at me and said “I can not promise you a long life so I want to give you quality of life…” (Insert Spanish accent).

And I think she gave me the best medicine I could have ever got. She gave me a strong dose of reality.

You see I don’t blame medical science for trying these heavy drugs. I don’t blame medical science for getting it wrong sometimes. I don’t even mind being a Guinea pig for drug trials… At least I know they are trying. We need a lot of trying before it is answered.

But these days I am particular about the Meds I will continue to take if I am not feeling any real overall benefit and I am also not afraid of stopping any medication that I don’t want to take, no matter how much it may be recommended and hailed.

We all take Meds, sometimes strong Meds, in the hope that we will be cured, fixed, made better, relieved or remedied. But what we are actually doing is playing the odds. It’s a crap shoot. Is the relief we get going to outweigh the risks we are taking? Are we making things harder or better?

We are betting that the relief we will get, and the the more things we will be able to do, is worth the risks that we are placing the rest of our bodies in?

Today I take the opinion that I work towards making the days count. Enjoying the days I DO have. I don’t need a long life if I have a happy short one.

Quality is always much more important to me than quantity. Thus if I must shoulder some pain in order to be with the ones I love and enjoy our times together… then so be it.

Every medication I put in my body now I ask myself “is this worth it to me?” And “does it help my days more than it hinders them?”. This is my only thought now.

I don’t need a longer life if I have a happy one. I don’t mind getting a difficult hand to play as long as I get to play it my way.

You can’t change the hand that life deals us but we can play it in various different ways.

At the risk of even more overuse of these metaphors, I will add that we always know that the house will win in the end…

This week my health dealt me another crap hand. But as I looked over and saw hubby holding my hand as I writhed in pain and nausea I realized I am holding a very strong hand after all! There is no medicine that can replace self worth and love.

Since getting sick I have had to face the fact that I must trade doing lots of things for doing the things worth doing. I may not do a lot in a day, but I get a lot out of the things I do!

Quality versus quantity.

Playing the odds…
In other words… I am working to have a very BIG SHORT… And I am betting my life on it!
Gentle hugs,

Trish