The old saying that the ‘Couples that Play together, Stay together’ has been sitting very clearly in my mind lately. NOT that hubby and I are in any danger of breaking up, but more so that we can be able to actually enjoy being together more.
Playing together is hard when one (or both) of you are sick or injured.
When times are tough though you need some sort of relief. Some sort of reprieve from the grind. Other couples might jump in the car and have a romantic escape. Some might go for an impromptu dinner. These are lovely but not always possible for those who have Autoimmune diseases, flares or health issues restricting their abilities to be spontaneous, active or carefree.
Often with illnesses, every move, every meal, every trip and every day has to meticulously planned and carefully prepared. So what is left to do ?????
Well this is exactly the topic that hubby and I tackled recently as we have been scouring through this year for something positive and something nice to salvage from it.
I said to hubby, I think it would be helpful if I cut back on some of the support roles and support groups as I don’t feel I have the energy or emotions to spare. He agreed. I said I would like to develop a ‘to do’ list that we CAN do at this time to act as a safety switch when everything goes into overload. He agreed.
One of the things that I am proudest of is that we talk about things before we feel the pressure mounting. We say things before its said in a burst of emotion or anger. We explain and we support.
So… Since hubby is sporting an injury too… we are asking for help. Yes! You read correctly. We have asked for any and all resources that we can to help us through since hubby is barely able to walk and drive.
We are watching any funny movie or series that we can get our hands on. Yep! Even dragging out the worn out old Christmas movies. Again!
Reading new books and napping as often as we can. We are both not sleeping that well these days or for very long. So lots of rest and quiet time has been essential.
We are eating as well as we can and as keeping hydrated. We are also taking a little more time to discuss what NEEDS to be done and weeding out the non essential things.
I am speaking openly to him about my ’emotional temperature ‘ so he doesn’t accidentally step into a mine field. I also give him any relevant updates about pain levels so he knows how that tracking. I have asked that he do the same for me, although I am aware he is not going to be as detailed as I am. Its not his way and its not his nature.
I have asked that he take more time out for himself at this time and ‘take care of the carer.’ His health is of vital importance at this time, because I don’t want him to risk further injury on my account. It would not help either of us!
We have updated our doctors and nurses of everything going on, especially going into the holidays season. We have made a list of the people and facilities we can call upon in an emergency, and although it is very small we have a picture in our minds of what we can and cant expect.
We are making an extra effort to say something kind, something appreciative, something understanding and something happy whenever we possibly can. Sometimes one small thing can change the climate for an hour or so!
The other thing we always, always remember…
It’s not each others job to heal or fix each other… just to support and help each other… we are NOT to blame for the pain and disappointment in life, but we are here to love each other through it.
There are things we can do to help each other but there are also things we must do for ourselves…
Despite having different roles (carer, husband, Sick, Wife, etc) we are both equals in our value and our need for respect and love…
So… while things have been very hard, and nothing has gone to plan this year, we can still chose what movie we will watch next. Perhaps its time for a Monty Python movie! Silly times need some silly behaviour.
I guess while it may not be as grand as a night on the town or a trip to the snow, but it still has lots of laughs and love. Quality over quantity will always win in my book!