I was so surprised by some of the reactions to my last post. Many people have been quite concerned by its ‘tone’. In fact I was so surprised that I decided to quickly write this one…

The first thing that I have to admit to you all is that I am unapologetic. I stand by what I said.

Why did I say those things?

Here’s why:

1. I can.
2. Its the truth
3. I WANT people to know I am a real person and I have ups and downs too.
4. I don’t want people thinking that I am trying to be a guru, a life expert or someone that is self glorifying. I am like any other human  being  would be like if they happen to be someone trying to cope with Autoimmune diseases and difficult health challenges and choices.
5. There are so many people out there who offer ONLY inspirational thoughts and avoid talking  candidly about some of the hard places and hard times. They say that this is “empowering” but I personally feel like it can be isolating and can make us feel even more like failures.
6. Life with illness isn’t a straight line. There are many times in which you have many set backs. If we let ourselves think of life as a straight line, then quite often we will set ourselves up for disappointments. If I keep wanting things to go in a straight line (improvement, hope, achievement  etc) that’s when I feel the saddest and most loss.
7. I don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed about exposing some of the darker sides of fighting illness and I don’t mind exposing some of the harder sides or difficult pages. It doesn’t make me weak. It makes me human. It  actually shows how strong I am to talk about these things. That doesn’t mean that others are strong enough or ready to hear it.
8. I was shocked by people thinking that I should not sound down or “weak”. Everyone feels down and weak at times. Anyone in a lot of pain feels down and weak and it doesn’t make us negative or a liability. It means we are human. I am human. Always will be. Autoimmunitygirl is a human. I am not going to make out that I am anything else. I hoped people would connect with that fact. I hope those readers that continue to read will connect and accept that fact.
9. Some were shocked by what they called the lack of ‘self confidence’ in my previous post. That was probably the hardest to understand of all. Everyone. Everyone. Every human being doubts themselves. Its normal. Its human. I don’t know ONE single person that doesn’t and won’t doubt themselves at many times in life. We are human and it is human to doubt ourselves. It is only perhaps the most blaze or sociopath that would not doubt themselves at some point in life.  Some of the best people in life are those who are human enough to embrace their doubts, failures, sadness, loss and understand that these are human qualities and experiences and they are the things that make us memorable and loveable; and what ultimately binds us together.

It should be clear by now that when I expose myself for all the good and all the bad, I am trying to be the most honest version of myself and validate all the things that makes me human.

I am not wanting to be a poster child of what a beautiful, happy, successful, always positive, always confident, surreal, super woman Autoimmune sufferer, chronic diseases fighter and advocate must look like and act like. Besides I am sure the internet is  already flooded with them anyway. I have read so many of them over the years and probably bought their books and self help tips. I prefer to find my courage in all of life’s situations and emotions.

I want to be me. I want people to be who they are. I want the world to see what it really looks like and I want people to know that I will continue to be that person for as long as a blog and as long as I live. The one thing that my illness HAS done for the better was help me find my voice (for better or worse) and not be afraid to use it. It made me embrace my humanity and it made me understand that its OK to be me. I hope if you stay a reader of my blog you will embrace these things too and know that you are still deserving of dignity and respect no matter where your journey is at and how far you still have to go.

Gentle hugs,

Trish