I realized when I got sick years ago that a lot of people would react differently. Some felt uncomfortable. Some felt sorry. Some felt pity. Some felt suspicious and doubtful. But as the years went on I realized the persons whose opinion that matters the most is mine.
My feelings about life can change so much depending on how difficult or painful it is.
On good days I feel blessed just to be able to feel the sunshine or watch flowers grow. I feel so happy to know you are out there living your lives and growing older and wiser and I look to the future with hope.
Somedays I just want this pain and struggle to end. This year is one of those years for me. I find it hard going and it has felt like too much on many, many occasions. Like now.
Sometimes trying these drugs in an attempt to get a little pain relief or easing of symptoms are just as bad, if not worse, than the diseases themselves. There are millions upon millions around the world that are like me. Trying so hard. Missing out on so many things and the rest of the world takes these things for granted.
I am sorry if this has been a tough year to be my friend or loved one and see me hit some terrible walls or read my painful posts.
I wish I had happier stories or events to share. But. If it helps to show the world what can really happen to people and what realities exist out there than I hope it serves to bridge those gaps of understanding. I hope it is good for something.
I wish I had more answers to life myself but I have accepted that for me life has more emotions than answers and life has more experiences than anyone of us will ever understand.
To my friends and loved ones all I can say is … I do my best and I keep trying.
That’s all I can do.
We are all only human.