Sometimes I feel like a Duck.
Yes this is a metaphor but you will understand more clearly as I explain it.
While ducks like water and can swim; they don’t fit in with seals. While they can survive on land; they are not lions. While they have wings; they are not eagles.
When you have more than one Autoimmune illness it is very hard to find a group or a person with whom you can relate to or that understands your challenges as a whole. And that is how I feel.
Due to having several different Autoimmune illnesses and other issues, I belong to several different groups, full of wonderful people and stories that I can relate to. Each group shares a slice of the picture, an element that I can relate to.
Tired? Yep. Joint Pain? Definitely. Vision / Balance Issues? Oh god yes. Terrible stomach pain? Don’t make me cry!! But then, inevitably, I am reminded of all the differences that I have with the groups when they talk about being able to walk or drive, or it becomes clear that we don’t share so many other symptoms, and that’s when I feel a bit alone again.
Why did all these different illnesses and issues invade my body and result in a Duck? I have no idea. But a duck still likes to have friends and someone to waddle with and quack to, and so do I.
So I have a collection of seal friends, lion friends, eagle friends and I love them dearly. We are all so similar in many ways yet also very different. While it would be lovely to find a duck (and I think I almost have a couple of times in my journey) I may have to face the fact that we are a rare bird indeed.
I guess this may be a familiar dilemma for many out there in cyberworld, all looking for someone who has been through what you have been through. Who has taken the medications you have taken. Who have lost the people in your life that others have. Who have been through many of the challenges that you have.
I guess, in the end, pain is pain, no matter where it came from or where it resides. Loss is loss. Disappointment is disappointment. And perhaps we all share these feeling in common regardless of whether we are a Duck, Lion, Seal or Eagle.
Even though I may be a duck, there are times that I can show the courage of a lion yet be as helpless as a kitten. There are times my spirit can soar like an Eagle yet I have extended times of darkness and despair. Sometimes I can be as playful as a Seal and love every moment of life and joy, but there are also times when I feel like my heart has sunk to the bottom of the ocean, and it remains there like buried treasure until somehow I can rise again.
For now, perhaps, that’s all this little Black Duck can hope for.